As long as we have people in our lives in any capacity (and who doesn’t), drama and conflict are inevitable. When we face relationship adversity, I can’t help but wonder if life could be so much more simple and happier if we merely remember “just stick to the facts and not to the emotions.”
How might you imagine the outcomes of any stressors in your relationships might be different if you did?
“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are ….. or, as we are conditioned to see it.”
(Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change)
And sometimes I think to myself “If you could see you like I see you, you wouldn’t be doing what you’re currently doing” (thanks Andy Stanley) ….. Only because I’ve been there ….. done that ….. and I know it’s a path to no-wheres-ville! And just because I think it doesn’t mean I’ll say it ….. aka “filtering” …… we all have to learn life’s lessons on our own.
As I reflect on this holiday season and the upcoming new year, I can’t help but to also review this past year. Not in a sense of ruminating there; just asking myself what could I have done differently.
I had a most challenging year because of that fall I took last February that took me a good 7-8 months to recover from probably because of my age. Same for a broken finger and injured hand ….. three times as long to heal as a young person. So I didn’t do a lot of what I wanted to do this year.
When I ponder this photo, I think that if I could accomplish number 1, number 5 will be the natural and logical consequence. Number 1 will require tremendous courage on my part ….. courage and faith believing I would be doing what I’m supposed to do …… perhaps even following a preordained path for my life ….. ?!?
What are YOUR thoughts about how this photo strikes you?
When will you start to live differently?
Although I’m not yet where I want to be in this life, and I miss my loved ones with whom I used to share this day ….. I’m THANKFUL I’m not where I used to be and for the beautiful memories of Thanksgivings gone by.
How about YOU ….. what are you thankful for today?
2016 has been a challenging year at best for me as it took me close to five months to totally recover from a stage 3 lacerated liver injury. On top of the motion restrictions and physical exhaustion that accompanied my recovery, I have had a broken middle finger since the end of May which has imposed even more minor annoyances on my ability to perform even menial tasks and my independence in general. My dear friend who has made himself available to help me is surely getting weary of the “can you come over and help me with ___” text messages by now!
What I’ve learned these past many months is that most people I know have no clue about how to encourage AKA support AKA help one another, and this truth makes me sad. It’s one thing to text a message that says “hope you are better today” and quite another to text “I’m coming over to walk your dog today” or “I’ll come over and vacuum the house for you” or “leave your dishes in the sink and I’ll come over and take care of them for you this evening” or “I’ll bring you a nice meal this afternoon” or “what groceries can I pick up for you today?” or “We will bring you some tennis balls for your walker” or even “I’ve been praying for you” ….. Do you get the point? I found myself feeling depressed because I felt so isolated and forgotten by some who title themselves as friends on one hand, and on the other hand just wrote their absences off as “well everybody is busy and has their own lives to deal with” which is true for certain. But are we not called to help and encourage one another and even make time for others when assistance is genuinely needed?
I also think of husband and wife relationships …… specifically about how I so often hear “he doesn’t help me around the house” or “she does a terrible job of keeping up on house cleaning” …… Sound familiar to which I ask “are we not to serve one another?”
So when I heard Charles Stanley’s message this morning, I thought here it is ….. well said, and I’m going to share my thoughts once and for all along with his suggestions on how to encourage one another. He started with “We all need to be encouragers because we live in a world filled with discouraged people” to which I say “Amen!” and I’m going to actively work at being better about encouraging others myself! Join me!
Here’s how he said can be an encouragement to others:
1. By a sincere compliment
2. Always tell them the truth
3. Agree with them when appropriate
4. Pass on information to them that is helpful
5. Pray for them
6. Quote an appropriate scripture verse
7. Correct them when appropriate (with gentleness)
8. Tell them that you love them (from your heart)
9. Comfort them when they need it.
10. Assure them of your availability
11. Say thank you
13. Be quiet while they speak
14. Hug them
15. Serve them in some way
16. Accept them just the way they are
17. Be honest with them (at all times even if it may hurt)
18. Point them in the right direction
19. Motivate them to be their best
20. Reward them (even with just w/ words)
“Words of encouragement can keep someone alive.”
As I give thought to what I want to continue to pursue in 2016 and what I might want to do differently, this question comes to mind:
What am I doing that has an eternal value ….. will be part of my legacy and/or contribution to this world I live in and my loved ones with whom I choose to share my life …..
Is most of what I spin my wheels on and am doing “good for nothing”?
What about YOU? Would LUV to hear thoughts on this question.
And Happy New Year to everybody and thanks for liking, sharing, and encouraging this blog!
I just heard a relationship statistic on the radio. A new study shows that when a man has seconds thoughts about the wedding, the marriage is not affected, BUT when a woman does, the marriage has twice the risk of ending in divorce.
HMMMMMM ….. makes me recall the eve of my first marriage and how at 2 in the morning I waltzed down the stairs to where my parents and aunts and uncles were still partying the night away and announced, “I’ll be making a giant mistake if I get married to George.” In those days, my family was a big- fat-Greek-family and everyone was going to attend. My parents paid the tab which included a sit-down dinner and 5 piece Greek band. To not follow through would be a megalo-dropi (Greek for big shame), and so my family all chimed in almost simultaneously with, “Oh you are just having normal wedding day jitters. Go back to bed and get some sleep! You will feel differently in the morning.” I didn’t …. feel differently, that is. Four months later I started to hear the apologies from my family.
I’ve always advised a friend or anybody when I hear they are getting married, “If you have second thoughts the night before the wedding, don’t do it!” I remember how my Godchild laughed when I told her that and she assured me that wouldn’t happen …. and it didn’t. Well now I have scientific data in addition to my own experience to support my case.
Can anybody relate?
Here’s an excerpt from the early days.
George himself lied about his age to get away from home by entering the military in 1944. His fondest childhood memories were of his beloved bulldog Bosco, and George’s eyes teared as he would tell the story of how Bosco went goofy-crazy-happy when he returned home from the war while his mother turned her back on him in anger because he had left the home and not stayed to take care of the family.
It’s taking me longer than initially predicted!
I don’t know where the time goes … I get to thinking I’ve got it under control and then I look at my blog and find I haven’t written in 2 months! It FEELS like just yesterday that I was so engrossed in the Simvastatin series that I can hardly believe I’m in my 4th month of recovery from that nightmare. I’m still having days of a very achy left leg BUT nothing even remotely like the pain that had me immobile last spring.
Three of my friends (ages 65-92) have heeded my suggestion to research, talk to MDs, and participate in their health treatments. They bombard me with “thank you” every time I see them. I say “To God be the glory and for the dizzy spells specifically.”
As for me, I’m still praying my muscle damage isn’t permanent because although I am walking without pain, my leg still does not have the flexibility and/or function it once had prior to Simvastatin.
So back to how time flies …. I can’t decide if I am better with a paper or electronic calendar …. I just seem to miss so many activities in life, spend too much time being a lug on the sofa with my cat in my lap, and just generally waste time thinking about how I should write a post and then …. oh, I’ll write it later and later doesn’t happen because I didn’t MAKE it happen!
Does anybody else struggle with time management like I do, and what helps YOU? I am asking for ideas!
And ready for some summer fun!
In some ways in regards to my struggles with Simvastatin, I feel like I’ve been to hell and back. I look back and in retrospect I wonder why I didn’t take myself to the ER on more than one occasion. I know I always worry about how much medical care is going to cost because even with decent insurance, the patient responsibility is high because of outrageous medical and hospital charges. I’ve learned a good lesson and that is to always take charge of my health by doing research and not stopping until I get answers and results. I care more about me than my physicians do at any given time.
Anyway … I’m feeling great today. I haven’t needed to take anything for any tightness or pain in 7 days and don’t expect to any time soon! So I’m looking forward to some summer fun, and it seems fun is falling my way! I almost don’t know how to deal with it, and that makes me chuckle … It’s been so long that having fun is like a new gig for me, and I have a lot to relearn.
So I’m definitely not a hoarder, or a pack rat, or a keeper of all things sentimental. I am, however, a clutter clown! UGH!
Every holiday break or any vacation that lasts more than 3 days brings with it the desire to de-clutter … and I do! I just don’t understand how stuff just seems to reappear, though! NEW stuff! There are times I have actually experienced the “immobility” thing that goes along with too much stuff inside the house. Eventually the task of cleaning out and sorting through begins to feel overwhelming, and then whoa … nothing gets accomplished simply because I just can’t do it. Ever been there?
So here I am with a few weeks off work for a much needed break after all I’ve been through the past many months, and all I can think about is “get the clutter out!” I started yesterday, and already I feel better about my domain even though only a few items are OUT! It’s funny how to create order one must create chaos … ever notice that? That’s where I’m at tonight, and I look forward to tomorrow feeling better about this de-cluttering thing I have going for myself.
Love an article I found on:
The article reports that our messes lead to many types of stresses, some which include:
Mental clutter. Your mind becomes overwhelmed and your senses go into overdrive to process your surroundings.
Chronic restlessness. With an unsettled home comes unsettled emotions — your mind constantly short-circuits because you feel like your work will never be “done.”
Distraction. Instead of focusing on the task at hand, you might find yourself weighed down with feelings of guilt about your home not looking the way it “should.”
Wasted time. When your home isn’t in order, your frustration level soars when you can’t find simple, everyday items crucial to your well-being.
I can relate to all of these, and by the end of this week my goal is to feel clutter-free in my mind which will be evidenced by greater productivity in all areas of my life. What say you? Want to join me on THIS challenge?
After watching my dear friend’s casket be lowered into the ground today, I walked away debating in my mind: is my invisible valentine-type heart filled with many holes of sorrow or has each loss contributed to one original hole so that now I have one gigantic vast void in that heart? Tomorrow starts a new chapter without Jeanine, and I will take a ride up to the lake for breakfast and a walk on the beach. Life goes on.
What are losses like for you?
The perception of a problem usually becomes a problem, so stick to the problem itself.
As you can see, I’ve upgraded to premium status on this BLOG site. What do you think of it?
I’ve promised myself to really focus on my counseling practice and writing my book (first of 3 on my mind) this year. I’m wanting to learn more about ghost-writers, script-writers, and agents.
Can you help me?
Happiness is an attitude. It’s a choice we make.
I’ve been working on this myself! I’ve heard that positive attitudes are predictors for success in many areas of our lives. I would be surprised to find someone who is genuinely happy every day simply because we all have troubles that weave themselves in and out of our lives, and we want to remember those troubles are just one piece of our lives. I tell my clients to “fake it ’til you make it” and one day you will wake up and BE happy in spite of “stuff” that’s going on around you. I’m dedicated to this thinking and hope you will JOIN ME!